October was not to bad of a month. We were all still mourning but trying to settle back into a routine. I always like October because it is a time of change. The leaves are all changing, it's not so hot and it's my birthday month. I was still babysitting and working concession stand every Saturday. On Thursday nights Dan and I would go to Sam's for all the supplies and take them to the football field for Saturdays.
In November I stopped nursing all together and the concession stand ended. I was nervous about money but Dan had started officiating basketball. That came at just the right time. I was starting to feel a little better but Dan was gone almost every night and every Saturday. That was giving us no time together and I felt like I was raising a baby alone when really I wasn't at all. It was just an adjustment and I learned to fill my evenings.
Our first Christmas as parents was filled with joy and sadness. We were so excited to open presents with Tatum but at the same time so sad Karoline was not there to celebrate. David and Marcia had a beautiful wedding. We had Christmas and then Dan's cousin got married a few hours away. This was a crazy busy time but very good time to keep our minds busy.
In January we went on a cruise with Katie and Derick. I know we had no business doing that with the lack of money we had. We booked the cruise back when I was still getting a check from work. Never dreamed we would struggle to make it. We felt Katie and Derick needed this trip and we did as well to get past some of the guilt and grief. Dan was dealing with a lot of the same emotions as I was when it came to the guilt and money problems. Of course he never showed it and rarely mentioned it until months later. The cruise was so much fun. The sunshine felt like a fresh start. While on the trip we missed our connecting flight. The airline gave us free flights to be used within the next year. We laughed, cried some, but mostly enjoyed being out of the country and away from everything. No we did not take Tatum with us. I missed her terribly and was so happy to get home to her. Looking back should I have taken her? I don't know that answer still. I think it was good to have that little trip with my husband and our BFF's to get back on track and to know we all still loved each other through it all. The good and the bad.
In February Katie announced she was expecting another baby!!! Yay!! We were all so excited and nervous. I was feeling much better and had come to terms with the fact that my little family was not resented and very much loved. Tatum was growing so quickly and so very very smart! She was learning all kinds of new words and loved to use them often! She loved music, her Mommy and Daddy, our little dog and all her grandparents. She still had throwing up issues but not nearly as often. I was still baby sitting Olivia, Ally and the older two cousins Abby and Bailey almost every day. I was finally getting into a routine. Dan took the test to become certified to teach school this month. He was starting to think the banking world was taking him no where and he was becoming miserable in that job.
In March we passed out 200 hundred flyer's at houses for Dan and my brother Lucas to start mowing. They ended up with 15 yards. Dan went to a job fair with school close by and they loved him but he didn't have his certification yet and they were hiring then. He applied at several but had no answers yet. It was still pretty early. We also decided to put our house on the market in March. We knew it had gone up in value since we moved in and could pay off debt if it sold. We thought we should build a house in a smaller town. We signed the papers to start building a house in the next town over. We signed under the agreement our house had to sale first. Our new house would be done by July or August depending on the weather.
In April I decided to get off birth control because I was still feeling a little down more often then I should. I could not figure out why I wasn't feeling like my happy self. I had no reason to be sad. God had blessed me with so much. We were making ends meet, we had a house, a beautiful happy baby girl that I love more then life, family that loved us, great friends and church family. I knew God loved me and was taking care of me so why was I feeling down? I started checking into birth control and the kind I was on. It's not for everyone and I'm one it's not for. It was making my emotions all over the place. So I got off that and decided to try other means of BC for the time being.
In May, I was fully back to myself and feeling great! The weather was great, Katie was feeling good and the baby was looking good, Lee my brother, David and Marcia were all graduating college. We still had the free vouchers for plane tickets so we turned ours in for flights out to see David and Marcia graduate. The only problem is Lee graduated on Friday, David and Marcia on Saturday on other sides of the country. I was not missing my brothers graduation. Shyla had finals to finish up so she agreed to fly out with Tatum and me on Saturday. The rest of the Stokes went on Thursday night. We went to Lee's grad and I was one proud sister. He had worked so hard and deserved to walk across that stage.
Shyla, Tatum and I flew out the next morning. Dan and Dustin picked us up at the airport. It was my first experience flying with Tatum. I was so proud of her she did great. I had lots to keep her occupied and to chew on so her ears wouldn't hurt. What a fantastic trip that was. We missed the graduation but was able to see David play college baseball and celebrate with the family out to eat afterwards. Dustin, Shyla, Dan, Tatum and I stayed a couple extra days with David and Marcia. We all drove over to Washington DC and toured our Nations capitol. I hope one day to return there. It was one of the top 10 trips I have ever been on. There is so much to see and do there and it's all free. Yes, all free and the food was way cheap that's how we were able to afford this one. We only paid for hotel and food. We all shared the lodging.
Our new house was moving very quickly and we had not one bite on our current house. The price was to high and we could not come down and still pay a realtor. We were starting to doubt our decisions but knew our house still needed to be sold. We had to get rid of more debt for me to stay home and this is what we both wanted for our daughter.
I wrote this all in one weekend so I could get to the good parts. These last two posts have been rough ones on me remembering the feelings and emotions of that year. I've cried through most of it as I typed but I'm glad to have it done.
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