My journey to a Mommy part 2

I took the job at the tall building in July and loved every minute of it. It was a great Christian company with lots of good Christian people. I don't know much about any other big companies but I am guessing not many have an email prayer chain and a once a week Bible study for the ones that are interested. I loved it and felt right at home. I worked as the receptionist until May 06' almost a year. I then was offered a position in the land department as their administrative assistant (secretary) I took that position and loved my boss and the people I was working with. They all treated each other so well and with respect. There was the occasional bouts of crankiness from people but all in all it was a very good job.

In July I had one year under my belt and had vacation time. Dan and I booked a cruise for September. We were thinking after that we might want to try for a baby but wasn't sure yet. Again I was at a job I loved and making good money and we knew we couldn't make it on Dan's salary a lone. We went on our cruise and had the time of our lives. We had a blast on other vacations but we still say this was our favorite thus far with just the two of us. We were both just enjoying and loving life and being away from work. We had such a good time just the two of us that when we got back we decided it wasn't our time for a baby. We went back to our normal routines and for some reason I started thinking again maybe I want a baby but I kept putting that thought aside.

The first part of October we were sitting in church and we sang the song that talks about a new born baby. I can't think for the life of me the name of that hymn right now. I started balling my eyes out. I have never cried at that song before! When we got home Dan asked what was wrong with me but I did not want to admitt that I wanted a baby because selfishly I still liked it just the two of us and wasn't sure how he felt. Finally that evening I told him I'm ready for a baby. I had to wrestle with my own emotions and God some before I could admit what the problem really was. Dan said "Ok, I'm ready for a baby just been waiting on you to tell me when." Wow, that would have saved a lot of my time if I would have known he was all ready. I thought it was going to be a hard decision for us.

The first part of November we found out we were pregnant. (I know that didn't take long). I looked at that as another sign that God was telling us it was time. A couple weeks later we went for the first ultra sound. Just typing this brings back the excited feeling I had and all the new feelings of our first baby! It makes me want to cry just thinking about those times and I had no idea how much I could love my sweet baby. Anyways back on track. We started saving every thing we could. We had a house by this point, car payment, and student loans. We knew we wanted me to be a stay at home mom but wasn't sure how that could happen. I made more money so we even considered Dan staying home. He knew pretty quickly that wasn't for him.

At my first ultrasound we found out that I had a double uterous which in it's self brought on a new set of worries. We didn't know how long I would be able to carry a baby. I couldn't stay on my feet long periods of time or raise up and down putting files and things away. My work was really good about this and watching out for me and baby Tatum. In May 07', Dan spent 5 days in the hospital after having his appendix removed. That took a big junk of our savings out and his days off. He only had 10 days vacation and 5 sick days. He only had 5 vacation days left after all of that.

On June 15th Dan and I went to a movie. While sitting in the theatre my water broke. I wasn't sure what had happened because I had just used the restroom and it was four weeks early. I waited a few minutes and felt it again. I leaned over to Dan told him what I thought was happening. We left the movie then went home to get our bags and my Mom. We arrived to the hospital around 10:00 and had our first beautiful baby girl at 12:49 am on June 16, 2007.

With my company I got 12 weeks short term disability after having a baby. The first week after we got home Dan had to work because the next week he was doing the music for church camp. This is when things started going a little crazy for me. The first night he pulled out of the drive and off to camp I thought I was about to lose it. I was terrified something was going to happen to him and I would be raising a baby all on my own and I had no clue what I was doing. That should have been my first clue I probably needed some medicine of some kind a little help. My hormones were crazy, but I thought I was fine and would pull through soon.

From the moment we got home I was thinking I do not want someone else watching my baby, how can we afford for me to stay home, and how can I give up a great job. Dan was only bringing home about $18,000 per year!! I know poverty level! How can we live off that?!