It's been a long time and I hope to catch up soon. I have been taking notes a long the way on what I want to say just have not taken time to sit and write.
It has been a wild and crazy holiday season. Lots of family, fun and laughter with a few tears as well. I have been watching my family and Dan's family as we all interact and get together. We all love to be together and enjoy each other so much. I am blessed to have such a great family on all sides and I take that for granted far to often. I am thankful that we all had another year together. This year was with out Dan's grandpa but we know he is in a much better place then we are right now. We rejoice in the fact that we will see him again.
This time of year makes me think and reflect on the past year. It's makes me more sentimental. Today I had the privilege to sit with my great Grandma. She is no longer in great health. She needs meals made for her and help when using the restroom or getting dressed. I remember Grandma Vaughn as such a strong funny lady growing up. She always had a quick wit about her. At times she still does but her memory comes and goes. She also now has a terrible time hearing us even with hearing aids.
So many times I remember her making breakfast, lunch or dinner for us in her tiny kitchen. I couldn't help but think this is not something to be annoyed by but a privilege or a way to thank her for taking care of my family and me for so many years. Not only her but a thank you to my Nanny and Papa for always being there to take care of us, my kids and Grandma. To sit with her for just a few short hours seems so small compared to all they have done and do. I know they grow tired but never do I hear them take an ugly tone with her. Never do they neglect to bath and feed her. Never do they stop telling her they love her. It melts my heart to see Nanny kiss her on the cheek still. This is my Nanny's Mom and I see her look at Grandma with sadness in her eyes and so much love for her mother. I know she would give anything to just have a conversation with her Mom like she did all the years past.
Is it a pleasant job all the time for them? No not at all but I have so much respect for them and appreciation for what they are doing. So many people just put their loved ones away in nursing homes because it cramps their style to take care of a family member or they just don't want to mess with it. Have they ever thought maybe it cramped her/his style to raise them or baby sit their babies? I know some cases are different and they are unable to care for their loved ones. These are not the ones I am talking about. I mean the family members that have been put away and forgotten or unwanted.
Grandma is and has been such a blessing in all of our lives. I catch myself being just as guilty as anyone else. When we are all crowded together it is hard to talk to her. There is to much noise and she can't hear hardly at all during those times. We tend to not talk with her as much as we should during the chaos family gatherings. I watched her yesterday and wondered how lonely she must have been feeling even during the hustle and bustle of the crowd. I watched her as she sat across the table from me. She watched everyone and smiled as they passed and her smiles were returned but she could not hear any responses. I smiled several times and even waved while she was sitting there but she never could hear the words I spoke to her. When she was watching in the other room I sent Titus over to give her a hug. He gives the best big hugs. He ran over and put his little arms around her neck. She loves him so much as she does the rest of us. She was surprised to feel his arms on her but she turned and hugged him back and kissed his little head. He ran on about his business but she looked at me with lit up eyes and smiled real big as tears formed in her eyes.
Today after taking care of Grandma she thanked me multiple times for helping her. I could tell she was so embarrassed and stressed out that I had to do that. I kept telling her everything was fine and not to worry. She was also worried because her youngest daughter had surgery and she didn't get to see for herself how she was doing. I reassured her several times that she was fine and would be home tomorrow. Bless her sweet heart she just wanted to know her baby was okay. She thanked me again and then told me how sweet and cute my kids are and that she loves them. She was having a good day with her memory. She then told me "I love you. I love all of you" Meaning all of our family.
Dan accidentally made the oven smoke up the place. She didn't smell it at first until the smoke alarm went off. She was in with the kids when it went off. (I'm giggling now thinking about it.) She came in asking what was going on and what that smell was. I started trying to tell her but just started cracking up. What great caregivers we are! She got tickled because I was. We both stood there giggling at the sight Dan and I made almost burning a pizza. These are times I would like to remember because I fear that soon she will no longer be with us. I want to show her more often that I love her and that I have not forgotten her or my grandparents.
Next year I want to spend more time with my family. I want to make a point to play more, laugh more and spend quality time. I don't want to have any regrets. I don't want to think I should have taken more time for my grandparents or my kids. I need a reminder of this when life gets crazy but the house and laundry can wait. My family can not. As my father in law puts it we are getting older everyday. So I may or may not get to the blog as much as I like but instead I hope to be making lots of sweet memories with my family.
